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Sex in a Small Town

Updated: May 11



I grew up in a pretty decently sized town on Long Island, population 33,029 (2010). This past weekend I took a mini vacation to my best friends hometown in the “North Country of Corn” as we call it, population 3,507 (2010). Still a seemingly decent size, this town is the smallest place I’ve ever been.

Everyone knows everything about everybody,

and nothing is kept secret for too long.

Before we even crossed the state line, I knew the town history. I had been told stories of the characters as if they were written in the "Tiny-Town H[er]story Textbook".

Details of dirty dealings, secret shenanigans and draw-dropping drama overloaded my natural instinct to look away in fear.

I had begun to crave the mania like a bad daytime novella on SnapChat. I don't remember hitting subscribe, but it was finally time for these “living dolls” to become real people.

It’s Halloween and we are at a House Party; everyone is very drunk and in costume. After a day of wishing we could dress as ourselves, my best friend and I decided to go as high-fashion robbers; we looked sexy and intimidating, perfect for our environment.

If you’re from a small town, you understand that going to a house party, is like

buying VIP admittance to a museum of your own bad decisions.


Every guy you’ve kissed, fucked, dated and even flirted with is lining the walls of the beer pong room.

In order for any human [with emotions] to survive this confrontational setting, you have to accept that it isn’t embarrassing.

The guys are wasted, the girls are pissed and your high school fling just walked in front of you. Next thing you know your first love nudges you in the shoulder and then the ex-boyfriend starts a fight. You must remain calm and remember you’re a hot commodity for a reason.

After witnessing these people in real life, the concept of surviving in a small-town-dating world was impossible for me to grasp. I couldn’t fathom the idea until my best friends’ brother spelled it out for me, in a town so small,


“You don’t lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn.”

When your friends get together with your ex’s, you can’t get upset since there are so few people to choose from. The polite thing would be to at least ask before you bang, but even then what could you say?

People in everyday civilization probably have as many sexual partners and relationships as people in small towns;


they just don’t see all of their mistakes together, in one room, every time they go out.

#sex #in #a #smalltown #sexblog #comedy #personalexperience

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